Does this conversation sound familiar?
Parent: How was your day?
Child: Fine.
Parent: What did you learn at school today?
Child: Nothing.
This type of conversation is very common with children and their parents. As parents, you want to know what happened during your child's day. What did they do, who did the play with, what happened in the past 7 hours since you dropped them off at school? The usual responses of "fine" and "nothing" can sometimes elicit feelings from parents that your child doesn't want to communicate with you, or maybe they don't want to talk about school. In most cases, that's not really what's going on. There are a million things that happen from the time you drop them off until you pick them up in the afternoon. They spend the day making decisions for themselves, working with their peers academically and socially, and basically navigating the day without you. Some children have trouble transitioning back to the parent-child dynamic and become overwhelmed with broad questions that they simply don't know how to answer.
Here are some tips I've compiled that may help keep your child from clamming up during conversations:
1. Ask open-ended questions. Instead of "What did you do today?" try "Who did you play with at recess?" or "What did you have for lunch?" Sometimes those types of questions can lead to more meaningful conversations, but it's important to not ask questions that can lead to yes or no answers.
2. Use their artwork or take home papers to start a conversation. Children love to talk about themselves and their masterpieces. Ask open-ended follow up questions.
3. Know the classroom schedule and ask questions about specific parts of their day.
4. Be aware of the themes or units they are studying and ask questions related to those topics.
5. Ask them to tell you one good thing that happened today and one bad thing. When children have to define for themselves what is good and bad, that often lends itself to more meaningful conversations and give parents more insight into their child.
6. Does your child like to stall at bedtime? Take advantage of those extra minutes after their bedtime story. They are looking for any excuse to stay up for just a few more minutes. Use that time to create parent and child conversations.
Be patient and sensitive!
