Separation Anxiety: What's normal?

As we begin to wrap up our first month of school, it is the hope that your child is comfortable with his/her teacher and classmates, the routine and procedures of the classroom, and is no longer wondering or afraid of what to expect for the day ahead.

At the beginning of each school year, we see little ones (and sometimes older ones) cry when mommy or daddy drop them off at school. They don't want their parent to leave them. As a parent, you know your child is in good, safe hands for the day and that your child will be cared for, nurtured, and educated. Your child doesn't always know that and those unknowns are what create separation anxiety. It's common in the first week or two of school for a child to experience separation anxiety, but you should start to see the crying episodes at drop-off happen less and less frequently as your child becomes more acquainted with their peers and the expectations of the classroom.

Here are some tips to try that have been known to work: (Keep in mind that all children are different and if your child doesn't respond to these tips, it doesn't necessarily mean there's a serious problem. You know your child the best.)

• Practice separation - Leave your child with a trusted family member or friend. Start out with short periods of time.
• Develop a good bye ritual - Rituals are reassuring and become a part of the trusted routine on which children thrive. It can be as simple as a special wave or high five, or a kiss on each cheek. Allow your child to be part of the process of creating your ritual and make it something they look forward to. 
• Leave without fanfare - Tell your child you are leaving, give them love, and then go. Don't stall. It can be hard to walk away when your child is crying your name out, but the longer the good bye process is, the harder it is on the child. 

When is it time to worry?

It only becomes a concern when you are still seeing signs of extreme separation anxiety after a period of time when your child should already be familiar with their peers and teachers, and understanding of the daily schedule and routines.

The main differences between healthy separation anxiety and a separation anxiety disorder are the intensity of your child's fears.  When their fears prevent them from normal activities, or they become anxious at just the thought of being separated, or when they complain of sickness to get out of activities with their peers and school, or when their fears become extreme enough, it could add up to a separation anxiety disorder.

At this point it is time to call your child's doctor for the best course of action.