Separation Anxiety: What's normal?

As we begin to wrap up our first month of school, it is the hope that your child is comfortable with his/her teacher and classmates, the routine and procedures of the classroom, and is no longer wondering or afraid of what to expect for the day ahead.

At the beginning of each school year, we see little ones (and sometimes older ones) cry when mommy or daddy drop them off at school. They don't want their parent to leave them. As a parent, you know your child is in good, safe hands for the day and that your child will be cared for, nurtured, and educated. Your child doesn't always know that and those unknowns are what create separation anxiety. It's common in the first week or two of school for a child to experience separation anxiety, but you should start to see the crying episodes at drop-off happen less and less frequently as your child becomes more acquainted with their peers and the expectations of the classroom.

Here are some tips to try that have been known to work: (Keep in mind that all children are different and if your child doesn't respond to these tips, it doesn't necessarily mean there's a serious problem. You know your child the best.)

• Practice separation - Leave your child with a trusted family member or friend. Start out with short periods of time.
• Develop a good bye ritual - Rituals are reassuring and become a part of the trusted routine on which children thrive. It can be as simple as a special wave or high five, or a kiss on each cheek. Allow your child to be part of the process of creating your ritual and make it something they look forward to. 
• Leave without fanfare - Tell your child you are leaving, give them love, and then go. Don't stall. It can be hard to walk away when your child is crying your name out, but the longer the good bye process is, the harder it is on the child. 

When is it time to worry?

It only becomes a concern when you are still seeing signs of extreme separation anxiety after a period of time when your child should already be familiar with their peers and teachers, and understanding of the daily schedule and routines.

The main differences between healthy separation anxiety and a separation anxiety disorder are the intensity of your child's fears.  When their fears prevent them from normal activities, or they become anxious at just the thought of being separated, or when they complain of sickness to get out of activities with their peers and school, or when their fears become extreme enough, it could add up to a separation anxiety disorder.

At this point it is time to call your child's doctor for the best course of action.

How to Create a Drama-Free Morning

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What are mornings like in your house? Are you rushing around getting your children ready for school? There's breakfast, getting dressed ,and brushing hair and teeth. Not to mention packing lunches for the day. Then add on top of that getting each child to a different place if they go to different schools and getting yourself ready for the day, if you work outside of your home.

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Here are some tips and ideas that may work. Not everything will work for anyone, but I hope there will be something here that you may be able to use in your morning routine to take some of the stress out before you leave the house in the morning.

• Pick your battles. If it doesn't matter to you the order in which things happen in the morning, let your child decide when they will complete their morning tasks. For example, if they need to eat breakfast, get dressed, fill the pet's water bowl, and brush their teeth and it's not a big deal which one gets done first or last, let them choose. It will help them build their independence and teach them how to prioritize tasks.
• Create a visual checklist. Sometimes for children the morning routine of tasks may be overwhelming and since children respond well to structure, a checklist may work for them. Make a list of everything they need to do in morning and add images to each item (or better yet - take a photo of them doing the task and use that as a visual reminder). This then puts the responsibility on your child to work off their checklist and complete everything for the morning. When listing each task, keep it simple (IE Brush teeth, Get washed, Eat breakfast, Grab bag). Use arrows to help them move from one task to the next. 
• Add in rewards and consequences to your checklist. If your child had trouble getting through their morning routine, you may want to consider putting rewards and consequences in place. When each morning task is complete without tears, arguing, not listening, etc they get a sticker (or check mark or start - whatever you deem appropriate). Allow room for error. It's not going to work perfectly on the first day. If your child completes their tasks with the goals you have set in place, then they earn a reward. Remember, a reward doesn't have to cost money or can be low cost. Examples are movie time with mommy or daddy, a little bit of chocolate sauce in their milk instead of plain milk, a sticker, a trip to the park, letting them choose what's for dinner the next time, or a special snack in their lunch.
• Use a timer. If your child takes FOR. EVER. to complete a task (and I know you know what I mean) set a timer. A simple kitchen timer is perfect. However, when setting the timer, set it for a minute before you want them to finish and when the timer goes off they have one more minute to complete their task. This works well with young children or children who find it difficult to budget time. For older children, you can set the timer for the full amount of time allotted and teach them how to work within time constraints.  It's important to set the timer for each individual task and not for the whole morning.

Hopefully something here will work for your morning routine and it will benefit you and your family. Also, all of these tips can be utilized for the bedtime routine as well.